Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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