You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
