1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My bed smells like the plague
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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