Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
