finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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