i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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