in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
