End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
