I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
