They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
