so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
