Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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