I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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