ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
