There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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