i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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