The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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