how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
