Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
