It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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