Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
