I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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