i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
