Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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