I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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