This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
