Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
