she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
