you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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