Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
