Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
