We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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