in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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