Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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