How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
