so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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