The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
