i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
