i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Never underestimate the power of titties
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
