I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
