I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
