I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
