I'm going to jail i love you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
