Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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