youre lurking in front of me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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