i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
