I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
