Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
