I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
