I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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